Greetings, foul friends.
We must begin this month’s journal entry on a dour note (so nothing new there). Halloween has been and gone, so at the time of writing, it’ll be over 360 of your Earth days before we can revel in all things horrible without fear of recrimination. Who’s cutting onions over there?
Thankfully, you humans have a tradition where you burn someone alive on the 5th of November, so this will have to suffice in the meantime. A bonfire is nothing but a tepid bath to some of our demon friends, and you can imagine how amused we all get when we see humans writhing in agony on poorly constructed pyres made of pallets “appropriated” from the local supermarket. What’s that? You don’t burn someone alive? It’s just a dummy? Oh, I give up! What’s an undead monk to do for some fun around here ?
Thankfully, we have our work to keep us occupied. The next few months are some of the Lodge’s, so we won’t have time to sulk. Speaking of which, if you’re looking to stock up on our award-winning handcrafted gin, then there are a few dates you’ll need to pencil into your diary(more on that below).
We’ll have to go, dear reader. It seems that the Lodge’s sprites had the same idea of bonfire night as we did, and they’re currently strapping a villager to a rickety old chair. Honestly, not a moment’s around here…
FESTIVALS
As well as being busy in the Lodge this month, we’re also busy attending various food and drink festivals. This month sees the start of lots of Christmas festivals, so there’ll be plenty of laughter, bright lights, sweet treats, and joy in the air. It’s a good job the bile in my stomach turned to sand aeons ago, or I may have vomited at the thought. See what we put ourselves through for your pleasure, flesh bags?
You may show your appreciation by attending one of the events below and saying hello. If we approve of your grovelling, we may even let you sample some of our delicious flavoured gins gratis.
Sunday 2nd
Leamington Christmas markets
Thursday 13th – Sunday 16th
Birmingham NEC Festive Gift Fair
Saturday 22nd
Trentham Christmas markets
and
Stourbridge Christmas light switch-on
Sunday 23rd
Trentham Christmas markets
and
Houlton Christmas markets
Friday 28th
Tutbury Christmas lights switch-on
Saturday 29th
Trentham Christmas markets
Sunday 30th
Leamington Christmas markets
CHRISTMAS DELIVERIES
No sooner have the bonfires turned to embers and ash than we start whispering about the upcoming C word.
“Castration, Master? Cannibalism?”
No, Igor, although we share your enthusiasm. We are, of course, talking about Christmas. With the nights noticeably drawing in, the weather getting much chillier, and the festive season fast approaching, might we humbly recommend our Autumn/Winter Survival Kit?
Light the candles in your crypt, snuggle up to your favourite furry creature (the werewolves are giving me nasty side glances here), and pour your favourite Black Lodge Potions hand-crafted flavoured gin into the upturned skull of your enemy. That’ll see you through many a happy Witching Hour or uncomfortable festive family gathering.
If you’re the prepared type, you can purchase all five of our hand-crafted flavoured gins and our 500ml pouch from Amazon.
🕷️ Dark Cherry, Chilli & Chocolate
🕷️ Premium Craft Gin
🕷️ Smoky Berries & Liquorice
🕷️ Stinging Nettle & Honey
🕷️ Wild Strawberry & Black Pepper
🕷️ 500ml Pouch
If, like Cousin Wretched, you leave things to the last minute (one year, we all got car air fresheners from the garage down the road because he’d forgotten it was Christmas the next day. Mine tasted lovely), then take a look at the image at the top of this section for the last Royal Mail posting days. Don’t worry, flesh creatures, we’ll remind you again before The Big Day, but don’t say you haven’t been warned!
UNTIL NEXT TIME…
Well, mortals, our time together draws to a close for another month. Don’t fret about the villager – we managed to save it from the sprites. We’ve asked one of our demon workers to shapeshift into a human so the sprites think they’ve gotten their own way. The things you have to do to keep a happy workforce, eh?
Stay safe, wrap up warmly, drink heartily, and never laugh at a werewolf dragging its nose on the carpet after it’s had a bath. It might be the last thing you ever do.
Stay spooky,
Brother G and Brother T
