Greetings, foul friends!
The end of the year fast approacheth. Very soon, people across the land will be encouraging a fat man to break into their homes, eat their food, drink their alcohol, and then leave without so much as a thank you. If you’re planning on keeping up this tradition, we’ve heard that the fat man’s preferred tipple is an award-winning Black Lodge Potions gin, so make sure you visit The Spirit Shop to ensure you’re ready for his arrival.
Just on that. To ensure you get your delicious artisan-flavoured gin in time for Christmas, please ensure you place your orders with us by the 18th December at the very latest to avoid disappointment. We had one person who left it too late last year, and they were forced to watch a Cliff Richard Christmas concert on the BBC completely sober. We want to save you from the same pain, so please heed our advice.
What else does this month have in store?
Igor! Assault the mortal’s eyeballs with magnificence, immediately!
CHRISTMAS FESTIVAL APPEARANCES
We’re only venturing out into the human world four more times this year, so you have just a few more chances to come and see us in person and sample some of our mouthwatering gin concoctions.
We’ll be at the Trentham Christmas Markets on the 7th and 8th of December. Then off to Castle Artisan – Market Drayton Christmas Market on 14th December, before our final appearance of the year at Castle Artisan – Newcastle Christmas Market on the 15th.
After that, we’ll be retreating to the depths of the Black Lodge’s dungeons, hibernating until the season of forced cheer fades away for another 11 months. Urgh, how it makes us sick!
TOAST THE HOLIDAYS
Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without raising a toast, having a relaxing drink in front of the fire, or celebrating until the wee small hours (our favourite time of the day). Luckily for you, we have the finest selection of artisan gin this side of the Netherworld, so why not order a few bottles and see which one you like the most?
🕸️Black Lodge Craft Gin (44% abv)
🕸️Stinging Nettle & Honey Gin (40% abv)
🕸️Wild Strawberry & Black Pepper Gin (40% abv)
🕸️Cherry, Chilli Chocolate Gin (40% abv)
🕸️Smoky Berries & Liquorice Gin (40% abv)
And if you want to gift the sumptuous experience that is drinking our beverages, then there’s the Black Lodge Potions 5-gin gift pack. 5 x 5cl apothecary bottles of each flavour for less than the price of one full bottle.
We expect to be incredibly busy with orders this year, so order early to make sure you don’t miss out!
ALTERNATIVE CHRISTMAS MOVIES
Last festive season, we presented our 12 Slays of Christmas: 12 recommendations for, erm, ‘alternative’ Christmas movies to watch with your favourite Black Lodge Potions gin. When we say ‘alternative’ we mean lashings of bad language, heads being lopped off like it’s going out of fashion, and creatures that would make Morticia Addams curl up her toes with fright.
Here are those original 12 movies if you’d like to take part this year:
- Krampus (2015)
- Gremlins (1984)
- A Christmas Horror Story (2015)
- A Creature Was Stirring (2023)
- The Gingerdead Man (2005)
- Jack Frost (1997)
- Better Watch Out (2016)
- Black Christmas (1974)
- Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
- Violent Night (2022)
- The Lodge (2019)
- Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)
Many of you sent us a homing raven to tell us how much you enjoyed these recommendations, so here are five more alternative Christmas movies to add to your festive fright list.
Fatman (2020): A spoiled brat hires a hitman to bump off Santa for leaving a lump of coal in his stocking. This black comedy action hybrid starts Mel Gibson as Santa and Walton Goggins (the Ghoul from the recent TV hit, Fallout) as the hitman.
Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022): A robotic Santa goes on a killing spree on Christmas Eve. Yes, you read that right. Even more bizarrely, the guy who used to play Jerry, the mild-mannered desk clerk in E.R. stars as the murderous robot.
Silent Night (2023): Joel Kinnaman takes a break from playing Rick Flag in the Suicide Squad movies to play an aggrieved father avenging the death of his son, who was killed by local gang members in a drive-by shooting on Christmas Eve. What makes this different from any other action movie? Kinnaman’s character has been shot in the throat and can no longer speak…
It’s a Wonderful Knife (2023): A twisted horror spin on the 1946 Christmas film It’s a Wonderful Life; however, instead of the lead character recognising his previous good deeds, the character of Winnie discovers how many deaths she has prevented in her town. Worth watching just to see Justin Long chewing the scenery.
There’s Something in the Barn (2023): An American family moves to Norway and encounters murderous elves in their farm’s barn. Described by The Radio Times as “Gremlins meets National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”, this isn’t one to watch with the kiddies. Unless your kiddies happen to like watching movies about murderous elves, then you’ll be the coolest parents ever.
UNTIL 2025…
That’s it for this year, friends. In just a few short days, the millennium will be a quarter of a century old and we’re still no closer to understanding why it was called Y2K.
We just want to take a moment to thank you for your patronage this year and for reading these journal entries. We’re incredibly grateful to you for supporting a small business like ours, and we can’t wait to show you what we’re working on now for 2025 – we promise you’ll love it.
Urgh, this Christmas sentimentality thing is catching!
Until we next meet, drink responsibly, have a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year, and we’ll see you in January.
IGOR! Get this stuff off me quickly before it infects the whole Lodge!
Stay spooky,
Brother G and Brother T
